By Gregg Sanderson
Are your love relationships working? If so, you’re missing out on the joys of conflict, breakup, and misery, Poor soul, is there any hope for you?
Sure there is. When you’re needy, the one thing you don’t feel is love. Develop a few needs that your partner can’t meet, and you assure constant misery.
Are you a music lover? Did you know there are whole websites devoted to breakup songs? One click through Google brings up over nine million hits of Breakup Songs for him, or her, with a special category for Country.
Ah, Country. Everything from You Done Tore My Heart Out And Stomped That Sucker Flat* to It’s Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long.** There’s just no way to truly enjoy this classic art form if you’re trapped in a happy relationship.
You’re in luck today, because I’m here to give you a step-by-step guide to develop those needs that can’t be filled. After all, it’s unfilled needs that create the suffering and drama that makes life exciting.
If you follow my simple instructions, not only will you mess up any relationships you have, but you can protect yourself against the assault of future satisfaction.
Step 1—This relationship isn’t going anywhere.
Where do you want your relationship to go? If you want it to be meaningful, decide what you want it to mean. Then be sure your partner can’t provide it. For example:
Suppose you want it to mean you’re complete. Surprise! You already are. But if you can talk yourself into the idea that something’s missing, you’re on your way to successful suffering. You have a lot of help for that, from fairy tales to soap sellers to preachers.
Power the self-doubt with desperation and you’ll be virtually unapproachable.
You might want a relationship to mean security. If you need it to last forever, it’ll be a long wait to find out if you won. Instead, insist on a firm commitment. That’ll do it, and when you break up you’ll have another club to beat your partner with. “You can’t leave; you made a commitment” can lead to hours of fun. Or years.
Step 2—Even if it goes somewhere, it’s nowhere.
Now the fun begins, because you can use self-righteousness as your tactic of choice. Use it to get agreement on everything you think, say, and do. Not only must they agree with you about sex, religion, and politics, but also on which way to mount the toilet paper and everything between.
That’s a shortcut to Step 3, but if you want to savor the suffering, you must also require correct behavior. Resentment comes more slowly when they’re simply disobedient.
You also get to deal out guilt so they can share your dissatisfaction on a deeper level. Little phrases work wonders, such as:
“If you REALLY loved me, you would….”
“After all I’ve done for you…”
And the ever-lovin’ “Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.”
No matter how you use the righteousness need, you’ll soon get to
Step 3—The Breakup
Some people sit home alone, listen to breakup songs, and cry. The problem is there’s nobody around to hear and feel sorry for you. You have to get up and go out for the full effect.
Then you can tell all your friends about the raw deal you got and what a jerk your ex is. Better still, berate the whole opposite sex. This will make sure your future relationships will be as much fun as the one you just left.
If you’d rather hang out day after day with somebody where all you do is love and support each other, I guess that’s up to you, but you’ll miss out on the arguments, guilt, and manipulation that make a relationship so interesting…
The choice is yours.
Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.